Parent. The announcement of the arrival of a child has a very strong emotional impact on future fathers.
Often it arouses conflicting emotions. If on the one hand you are proud and happy to become a parent, on the other the new role frightens. Future dad, keep your nerve and look for a place close to your partner and your baby from the beginning of pregnancy. The sooner the man adapts to the child’s daily life, the better.
Being a parent is one of the most extraordinary experiences of life. It allows us to experience feelings of enormous joy, love, pride, emotion and happiness. It drives us to give our best, but at the same time it can test our patience and our ability to manage stress.
Sometimes it can lead us to anger and violence. It is also positive that the family from the beginning constitutes a team. As in a football team, parents must immediately clarify what tasks they take and where collaboration is required.
Parent, instinct or experience
Many of us become parents without knowing the stages of a child’s development, so they rely on the instinct or experience of their childhood. Very often, however, our instinct is actually just an emotional reaction that has not been sifted well. Our childhood may have been negative or even violent.
What to do to establish a positive relationship with our children? How to educate them in mutual respect and without resorting to physical punishment or other degrading punishments?
We can do this by applying all interactions with them, and not just the most difficult ones. Through the four principles of parenting:
1. identify their long-term educational goals;
2. making our children feel our affection and providing points of reference in every interaction with them;
3. understand what our children think and feel in different situations;
4. adopt a sweet approach that aims to solve problems rather than a rough approach. These four principles are the essential components of a good parent-child relationship and a positive discipline.
Parenting is a very complex function that incorporates both individual aspects related to our idea (partly conscious and partly unconscious) of how a parent must be and, both aspects of the couple, that is the relational modality that partners share in ‘fulfill this specific task.
This complexity explains how it is not possible to confine parenting only in the biological event of birth but how, instead, it produces significant individual and relational changes that will be present and constantly evolving throughout the rest of the life cycle of the individuals involved.
You can not always be parent the same way, because you will have to meet different commitments and adopt different methods of communication, interactive based on the age of the children. All this implies, therefore, the dynamic ability to constantly “revisit” one’s own educational style, in a functional way facing the changes that life can bring.
It is easy to understand how the transition to parenting is a normative phase (ie expected) in the life cycle of individuals and how, the entry of a new member, broadly modifies the relationships within the nuclear and extended family, thus leading to beginning of a new generational history.
The birth of the first child marks the transition from a married couple to a family triad, and it will be the success or failure of this passage that strongly, but not necessarily forever, affects the evolution of the role of parent. Parents must find their intimate and private space within this new reality.
Among the tasks awaiting the new parents are:
1. the creation of a space both physical and psychic for the child, this will involve the modification of the family system;
2. taking care of the child, both in an affective and normative sense;
3. establish solid but permeable boundaries within and outside the couple, so that the adult / child relationship or the invasion of the extended family does not undermine the adult / adult relationship by putting marital union at risk;
4. Ability to modulate in the growth of the child educational concessions and impositions on the basis of their needs for separation / individuation.
The accomplishment of all these tasks is not easy to solve, especially in multiproblematic families or those that present unexpected events that have profoundly modified the structure. In problematic families, as well as in those divided, reconstituted, single-parent families, support for parenting is an important protective factor both for the “healthy” growth of the children and for ensuring the continuation of the parental role.
The main objective is therefore to maintain a continuity of the relationship between the child and both figures of reference and avoid the unnecessary marital dispute for the exclusive love of the children by definitively expelling the ex-spouse from the affective life of children.
Parent in restructuring
We must learn to deeply restructure the internal organization of the family. A family that “does not work” is the one that has stereotyped its way of interacting, which fails to change in consideration of the new needs of its members.
The role of the parent becomes that of helping the system to face and overcome the evolutionary “hitches” always starting from the resources present in the system.
In this perspective both fatherhood and motherhood can be considered as a new function, which takes over from the maturing achievement of the previous stage and within a model that refers to a progression through stages or evolutionary phases throughout life.
Becoming a parent requires a reorganization both on a pragmatic level, as social and economic changes and in lifestyle, and on an intrapsychic level in relation to the representation of oneself that one wants to transmit.
Parent, the Ebook
All parents, regardless of their culture of origin or social status, need support and information. This Ebook provides important information that will help parents to build a solid relationship with their children.
The Dad has to carry out important tasks: to lighten the duties of the partner and motivate him, because this is beneficial for the child. Furthermore, his physical approach to the child is important for his healthy development.
The Ebook does not propose miraculous recipes that parents must follow to solve specific situations, but rather helps parents to reflect on their behavior and to better understand the behavior of their children.
It helps them to apply the knowledge acquired to support their children in growth, building a strong and lasting relationship with them.
To whom it is addressed
The Ebook is aimed at parents with children of all ages, in particular it is aimed at fathers of any culture and social condition. Topics covered will be useful for any parent-child relationship.
However, families living in special situations such as traumas, conflicting or violent relationships between parents or children with neurological problems or chronic illnesses will have to integrate the information presented in this book with further insights and specific supports from qualified professionals.
The Ebook can also be a valid tool for professionals in the sector, such as teachers, educators, youth leaders. They will find useful suggestions for their work of teaching and assistance to minors.
Ebook accompanies the reader along a path that will show parents how to support their children in their development, and at the same time build a strong and good relationship with them.
The discussion of the topics starts from the fundamental principles of the rights of children and adolescents and from the four fundamental principles of positive parenting, that is: focus on long-term goals; to make one feel one’s affection and provide points of reference; understand what their children think and feel; have an approach aimed at constructive resolution of problems.
One chapter will be dedicated to children’s rights and their relevance in the exercise of parenting. The Convention on the Rights of the Child is also presented, which promotes principles for the correct development of the child and positive parenting.
The affection and the points of reference
Chapters of this ebook cover the basic elements of a good parenting relationship. The reader will be invited to reflect on the objectives of the parents, to learn to use the extremely effective tools that will enable them to achieve these goals: the affection and the points of reference.
Various stages of a child’s development will also be illustrated. Understanding why children behave in a certain way and evaluate the effectiveness of our possible reactions to those behaviors. The reference bibliography, during the discussion of the topics, will propose a list of available resources to deepen the knowledge and exercise the acquired skills.
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